Ontario has banned groups larger than five. If you’re a family of six, 
you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!

The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society 
where pants and bras are required!

Happy Hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be 
pouring wine in my cereal.

Today’s Weather? Room temperature.

30 Days Hath September, April, June and November All the rest have 31 
except March, which had 8,000!

Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weed's 
legal and schools are closed. Damn kids are livin’ the dream!

This is stupid. I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer, and it came 
out as a rum & coke

If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock,” don’t open it. It’s 
a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.

After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on 
the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started 
yelling to them. Now I understand dogs….

Day 49 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: 
We’re losing money by the minute, cocktails are acceptable at any hour, 
and nobody knows what time it is